Toilet Teaching Your Child

"Mommy, I did it! I went in the potty!"

Are these the words you long to hear from your child? But how do you know when your child is ready, and what's the best way to teach your child to use the toilet (also known as the potty)?

Is My Child Ready?

Many parents are unsure about when to start potty training. (Although the term toilet teaching better reflects the process of helping your child learn to use the toilet instead of urinating - peeing - or passing bowel movements - pooping - in diapers, most parents refer to it as potty training.)

Not every child will be ready at the same age, so it's important to watch your child for signs of readiness, such as stopping an activity for a few seconds or clutching his or her diaper. Most children show these signs between 18 and 24 months, although some may be ready earlier or later than that. And boys typically start later and take longer to learn to use the potty than girls.

Instead of considering your child's age as a readiness indicator, it's a good idea to look for some of these other signs that your child may be ready to start heading for the potty, such as the ability to:

follow simple instructions
understand words about the toileting process
control the muscles responsible for elimination
express a need to go verbally
keep a diaper dry for 2 hours or more
get to the potty, sit on it, and then get off the potty
pull down diapers, disposable training pants, or underpants

Is There a Good Time of Year to Start?

Not really. But there are some more stressful or difficult times when you may want to put off starting the toilet-teaching process - when traveling, around the birth of a sibling, changing from the crib to the bed, moving to a new house, or when your child is sick (especially if he or she is having diarrhea). Take these factors into consideration when you plan to introduce toilet teaching. It may be better to postpone it until your child's environment is stable and secure.

Also, though some experts may recommend starting the process during summer because children wear less clothing, it is not a good idea to wait to start if your child is ready.

How Long Does Toilet Teaching Usually Take?

Of course, teaching your toddler to use the potty isn't an overnight experience. The process typically takes between 3 and 6 months, although it may take more or less time for some children.

And although some little ones can learn to both make it through the night without wetting or soiling themselves (or the bed) and use the potty around the same time, it may take an additional 6 months to 1 year to master staying dry at night.

What Kind of Potty Should We Use?

There are two basic potty options:

a stand-alone, toddler-size potty chair with a bowl that can be emptied into the toilet
a toddler-size seat that can be placed on top of your toilet seat that will let your child feel more secure and not feel like he or she is falling in

If you opt for the modified toilet seat, you may also want to invest in a stepping stool so that your child can reach the seat comfortably. Stools can also help kids to be able to push with their legs when having a bowel movement. But for boys who feel awkward - or scared - about standing on a stool to pee in the toilet, a potty chair may be a better option.

Buy a training potty for every bathroom in your house. You may even want to keep one in the trunk of your car for emergencies. When traveling long distances, be sure to take a potty seat with you and stop every 1 to 2 hours. Otherwise, it can take more time than your child may have to find a discreet location or restroom.

What About Training Pants?

Experts sometimes disagree about whether to use disposable training pants. Some people think that they're just bigger diapers and that they might make kids think that it's OK to use them like diapers, thus slowing the toilet-teaching process.

However, because kids' nighttime bladder and bowel control often lags behind their daytime control, it isn't unreasonable to use training pants at night or when you're out and about with your child. Once the training pants remain dry for a few days, kids can make the switch to wearing underwear.

Ask your child's doctor for his or her opinion about whether your child would benefit from using disposable training pants as a transitional step.

Common Problems

It isn't uncommon for a previously toilet-taught child to have some trouble with using the potty during times of stress. For example, a 2- or 3-year-old dealing with a new sibling may regress (or return to a previous level of development).

But if your child was previously potty trained and is having problems, talk with your child's doctor just to be on the safe side and to rule out things like chronic diarrhea or constipation, encopresis (soiling), urinary tract infection, diabetes, etc.

If your child is 3 years or older and is not yet potty trained, talk to your child's doctor, who can likely help you figure out what might be the problem and hopefully offer advice to make the process easier for both you and your child.

Tips for Toilet Teaching

Even before your child may be ready to be taken to the potty, you can start to prepare your little one by teaching him or her about the process:

Use words to express the act of using the toilet (for example,"pee," "poop," and "potty").
Ask your child to let you know when a diaper is wet or soiled.
Identify behaviors (i.e., say, "Are you going poop?") so that your child can associate the urge to pee or poop with going to the potty.
Get a potty chair your child can practice sitting on. At first, your child can sit on it with his or her clothes on. Then, he or she can sit on the chair with a diaper. And when ready, your child can go bare-bottomed.

If you've decided that your child is ready to start learning how to use the potty, here are some things you can try that may help:

Set aside some time (say, a weekend) to devote to the potty-training process.
Don't make your child sit on the toilet against his or her will.
Show your child how you sit on the toilet and explain what you're doing (because your child learns by watching you). You can also have your child sit on the potty seat and watch while you - or one of his or her siblings - use the toilet.
Establish a routine. For example, you may want to begin toilet teaching by having your child sit on the potty after he or she wakes up with a dry diaper.
Try catching your child in the act. Children often give clear cues that they need to use the bathroom - their faces turn red, and they may grunt or squat. And many kids are regular as to the time of day they tend to have a bowel movement.
Have your child sit on the potty within 15 to 30 minutes after meals to take advantage of the body's natural tendency to have a bowel movement after eating (this is called the gastro-colic reflex).
Remove a bowel movement (poop) from your child's diaper, put it in the toilet, and tell your child that poop goes in the potty.
Make sure your child's wardrobe is adaptable to potty training. In other words, avoid overalls and shirts that snap in the crotch. Simple clothes are a must at this stage and children who are potty training need to be able to undress themselves.
Let your child have some time during the day without a diaper (if you want). If he or she urinates without wearing a diaper, your child may be more likely to feel what's happening and express discomfort. (But if you opt to keep your child's bottom bare for a little while, you'll probably need to keep the potty close by, protect your rugs and carpet, and be willing to clean up.)
Have "target practice" with your little boy. Show him how to stand so that he can aim his urine stream into the toilet. Some parents use things like cereal pieces as a sort of bull's-eye for their little guys to try aiming at.
Offer your child small rewards, such as stickers or time reading with Mommy, every time your child goes in the potty. To help keep track of your child's successes, you might want to keep a chart. Once your little one appears to be mastering the use of the toilet, you might want to let him or her pick out a few new pairs of big-kid underwear to wear whenever your child puts the pee or poop in the potty.
Make sure all of your child's caregivers - including babysitters, grandparents, and child-care workers - follow the same routine. Let them know how you're handling the issue and ask that they use the same approaches so your child won't become confused.

Above all, be sure to praise your child's attempts to use the toilet, even if nothing happens. And remember that accidents will happen. It's important not to punish potty-training children or show disappointment when they wet or soil themselves or the bed. Instead, tell your child that it was an accident and offer your support. Reassure your child that he or she is well on the way to using the potty like a big kid.

And if you're torn about when to start the toilet-teaching process altogether, let your child be your guide. Don't feel pressured by others (your parents, in-laws, friends, siblings, coworkers, etc.) to begin. Many parents of past generations started potty training much sooner than many parents do today. And it all depends on the child. Yours will let you know when he or she is ready.

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD
Date reviewed: April 2005